The routine, set out in Gottman’s guide “6 Hours a Week to a Better Relationship”, starts small. Partners are meant to give 10 minutes a week, in the mornings, to asking how the other is doing or what the coming day holds. “Showing interest in the other person, even briefly, is a precious sign of attention,” the psychologist says.<\/p>\n
Reunions at the end of the day carry the largest share: 20 minutes daily, or 1 hour 40 minutes a week, to reconnect, talk, kiss and create a moment of intimacy.<\/p>\n
Two further slots of 35 minutes each follow. One is devoted to expressing appreciation, telling a partner what one likes about them without waiting for a special occasion. The other goes to affection, such as a caress, a massage or an impromptu dance.<\/p>\n
A two-hour date, whether dinner, a film or a walk, is meant to take the couple away from daily constraints. The schedule closes with a one-hour weekly check-in to discuss disagreements, plans and feelings so that tension does not build up.<\/p>\n
The figure is a framework for reconnecting rather than a fixed target. In an interview with Doctissimo, clinical psychologist Johanna Rozenblum stressed that couples should set their own pace.<\/p>\n
“Each couple must find its own rhythm. What matters is that these moments are sincere, not forced, and enjoyable. Time spent together must not become a rigid rule.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
The emphasis falls on intention: ten minutes of genuine attention count for more than two hours spent side by side while distracted.<\/p>\n
Mockery and contempt<\/h2>\n On the other side of the ledger, Gottman lists behaviours that quietly erode respect. The first is mockery, remarks that mix irony, humour and criticism in a way that belittles the other person and chips at their self-confidence. Pushed further, it can turn into contempt.<\/p>\n
According to Gottman, this shows in rolling one’s eyes, adopting an air of superiority and ridiculing the other. He regards such conduct as a clear lack of consideration and a warning sign of a toxic relationship.<\/p>\n
Ignored boundaries<\/h2>\n The second signal is a refusal to accept a “no”, or crossing limits a person has set. A study published in 2010 found that someone who disregards your boundaries may be trying to manipulate or control you, a pattern described as psychological control.<\/p>\n
Dismissing emotions<\/h2>\n The third behaviour is aggressive communication that discredits another person’s feelings, through phrases such as “you’re exaggerating”, “it’s not that bad” or “stop crying”.<\/p>\n
American psychologist Marsha Linehan, who developed dialectical behaviour therapy, describes validation as recognising a person’s inner experience, while invalidation minimises or disparages it. Repeated invalidation can lower confidence and self-esteem and make it harder to regulate emotions.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Psychologist John Gottman says six hours a week of well-chosen moments strengthens a couple, and names three behaviours that signal a lack of respect.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":9398,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[80],"tags":[6509,6511,6508,6510],"class_list":["post-9399","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-couple","tag-university-of-washington","tag-johanna-rozenblum","tag-john-gottman","tag-marsha-linehan"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t